Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
