Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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