Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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