I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
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whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
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OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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