but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
