Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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