she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
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Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
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I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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