I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
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We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I want her autograph on my taint
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
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Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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