And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
