everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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