I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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