I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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