k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
