We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
