normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
