he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
