There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
