Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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