"it" just moved
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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