yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
