Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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