If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We need a shit load of segways right now
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
