You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
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When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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