WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.