I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think about you every night.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
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I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
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I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"