girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful