White coat. Heels.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...