I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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