Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
