Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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