My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
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I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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