Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
should my penis look like a turkey
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
