My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
