Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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