My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
