Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
And then my night got REAL pukey
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
