we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
