I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
