Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
