if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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