be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
