So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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