Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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