Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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