Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
