haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
