wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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