My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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