Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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