If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
