God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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