I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I wear drunk well.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
