I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
