Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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