Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
