I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Pants are for mortals
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
