Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
my god I love twenty year old dicks
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
