Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
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I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
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She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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