He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
