While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
