things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
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You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
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no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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